The Pilot and the Mustache (In honor of Movember)

What all mustaches aspire to.

Do you know what Movember is? I didn’t until a week or two ago when I saw a good friend, who is normally clean-shaven, growing out what looks like a seventh grader’s peach fuzz. He went on to explain that he was not taking up pedophilia or joining a Mexican gang, he was doing it for Movember. He went on to educate me about what that is: Movember is a charitable organization that started, by most estimates, officially in 2004 (although it has earlier roots.) Basically for the month of November, men can freely grow and cultivate their mustaches for a good cause; to raise awareness and money for men’s cancers (prostate, testicular, manipulative ex-girlfriends, etc.) It’s an official charity and you can register and learn more about it right here:

http://us.movember.com/

Everybody I have talked to, due to the power of social media, seems to already know what Movember is. If you are like me and you missed to boat this year, it is not too early to start planning your next year’s campaign. In fact, what if you were to do Mo2013? Just grow a mustache for the entire year. Can you imagine how much money you could raise, if you coast into Movember with an 18th century face mane? You could raise at least a million dollars and your man-quotient by the same amount.

Charity or not, I think every man should grow a mustache at least once in this life, if not once a year. I make this decree from a place of experience. I was not aware of Movember so I had my own Mogust (doesn’t sound nearly as cool) this year, and it might have been the greatest month of my life. Sure it wasn’t for a charity, it was just for the heck of it. I had a week off without shaving and decided, “What the Hell? I am doing this thing.” I was only raising awareness of my own facial hair growing power (oh and it is a power.)

Granted, as a pilot, I am in one of the mustached professions: pilot, cop, firefighter, etc. When a man in these professions sports a lip-warmer they get looked upon as pillars of mankind. There is something about the combination of a uniform and a mustache that says, “This man is overflowing with experience, judgement, and wisdom.” As a man who can appreciate a fellow-man with a good mustache, I can openly admit its magnetic draw. It’s almost too powerful, which is why the Village People were banned by many parent groups, for fear of turning their young boys gay with their archetypical male costumes and mustaches. So unlike being a used-car salesman, a roadside motel desk clerk or and ice-cream truck driver, for me to grow a mustache, there are not  as many social hurdles.

Still, there was definitely a change in the way people looked at me. Sure some people looked at my with disgusted curiosity and I even heard muffled voices of the upper crust decry, “Why is that a man or a beast?” But most seemed to look upon my with a respect I had yet known. I don’t know if it was all in my head, but for the first time in my life, with a mustache, I felt like a man instead of a teenage boy in a man’s body. It is hard to describe. I had witnessed it before. Men that I normally think of being a middle-aged father, a man that has lived some life and fixed some things, have a kind of power of manness about them. It is the kind of power that when they are getting the runaround from a store clerk, they aren’t afraid to say, “Now listen this is horseshit, get me your manager.” And they clerk does it! Or acquiesces instantly because they realize, “I am talking not to a fool but to a man!” I, with my mustache, suddenly had that power!

I don’t know if it grew from the inside in the form of confidence or if there actual radiant beams of light shot from my upper lip, but my inherent conflict aversion was replaced with  a new resolve: That I am a man and I am not taking any shit from anyone, if that means I have to punch one or three guys in the face,  I am prepared to punch a man in the face! (To be honest, there were zero moments throughout my Mogust were such a need arose, but I did spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, like Robert Di Nero in Taxi Driver, preparing for if it did. “You talking to me? You talking to me? You must be talking to me because I am the only one here with a mustache.)

“I had to buy a gun because I don’t have a mustache.”

I know many a guy is afraid to grow a mustache because  they are afraid of how they will appear to the opposite sex. Many online surveys only reinforce this fear by printing woman’s supposed opinions about facial hair, describing mustaches as “unsexy” and “daddish” or even “nauseating.” Even the Movember websites recognizes this female prejudice against mustaches by attempting to enlist women as “mosisters” to support their men’s efforts with positive support. I think this prejudice is over-stated. From my own experience, my girlfriend initially protested, but by the end was disappointed when I shaved my stache off. I am also not afraid to boast that I caught many a pretty female’s eye and wry smile as well,  looking my way at my awesome, all-powerful stache (okay many may be an exaggeration). I think the reason for this is simple. Sure woman think they want a clean-shaven man. But there is something that their socially influenced brains are forgetting that their animal loins remember: only a real man can grow a mustache ( or a grandma or a latina or Italian women)  and that is what their bodies ache for.

I honestly feel that in this world there are not enough men. As a whole we are softening, shaving more of our bodies, lifting fewer things, knowing less about the world and how it works. These are all qualities that I feel a good mustache symbolically embodies. In the end, I wasn’t ready to fully embrace my mustache, because it truly was changing my personality. With that much power, comes a lot of responsibility which I couldn’t fully embrace yet. Although I have not gone back to my complete non-confrontational ways. I have found myself more often than before saying, “Now just wait one damn minute, what kind of shenanigans are you trying to pull? Do you think I am some kind of guy who has neverg rown a mustache before?” Secretly I am waiting with bated breath for my mustache’s return, if not sooner, next Movember for sure!

Rest in Peace Marc’s Mustache Aug-Sep 2012

Do you have a good mustache story? Do you have an opinion on mustaches? Are you an elderly woman with a full-on cow catcher? Please share below!